GRAVE CONVERSATIONS with David Dastmalchian
Episode 1: Kate Siegel
was visiting a friend who has a farm, and one of the chickens has a home made flared cone on, so i asked what was up with that and she said "that's diesel, and she's suicidal" so obviously i went ??? and she pressed the door lock on her truck fob so the truck beeped, and this dumbass bird SPRINTED full tilt across the garden to shove her head in the tailpipe. she has to be locked up and coned so she doesn't gulp down toxic fumes direct from the pipe for some idiot bird reason. she is obsessed with doing this and has to be locked up any time someone is using a vehicle.
i told her i posted about this and she has an update (which i guess content warning for animal harm [the animal did it to it's damn fool self])
she found this out the first time when she auto-started her truck to warm it up before work one below-freezing morning and came out ~5 minutes later to find (the then unnamed) diesel with her head stuffed in the tail pipe hanging limply by her idiot neck and thought that she was dead, ran over and pulled her out, and the chicken went "oh hi! anyways mind if i get back in there?" and did it a-fucking-gain??
best guess is bc she feeds her chickens with a pvc gravity pipe like this
and despite having ~40 other chickens who don't fuck this up, diesel went "food comes from tubes, this is tube, ∴ this is the ~secret~ food hole that the others do not know about. i will be rewarded with golden seed for being the cleverest of them all :)" and is now on 24/7 vehicle related suicide watch. fine line between docile and dumb sometimes.
It’s a rich culture, the Irish.
not to be insensitive but some of the salem witch trials were so funny bitches like “i saw her at the devils sacrament!!!” girl… what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament 👀
If ANYTHING is a heritage post it’s this.
the avatar movies are crazy bc "what if colonizers literally inhabited and puppeteered the bodies of indigenous peoples in order to exploit their homeland" sounds like the premise of some sort of anticolonial horror film, like specifically the kind of thing that would be commenting on self-indigenization among white settlers, but because it's James Cameron his whole takeaway from that premise is "it would be preddy cool"
actually sorry. the takeaway is also "the white settler possessing an indigenous body would actually be extremely good, perhaps even The Best, at being indigenous, and he would become their Leader"
you cannot make a post about how men put women in certain boxes without someone going "but what if i love the box? what if i've decided that it's comfortable in the box? are you gonna tell me i'm not ALLOWED to like the box? not very feminist of you to police a woman's decisions... maybe you'd be less ugly and miserable if you stopped talking about the box LMFAO #Girlboss #MyBox<3"
inevitably this has hit the terf circle of tumblr so let me be very clear that if trans women aren't included in your feminism you are actively participating in the same boxing in of women that this post is speaking out against and ridiculing. you're just following the exact same disgusting bioessentialist rhetoric as men to justify why you refuse to accept trans women as women. the entire point of this post is that the limitations of gender are something that should be broken down, not reworked for you to girlbossify so you feel comfortable continuing to live within the confines of a society that hates you. you look stupid
Every taskmaster lineup needs:
thinking about the time a dude with a booth trying to get sign ups (no recollection of what for) approached me and said “Hey! do you know how much a polar bear weighs?” the correct response to this is “i don’t know”, so that the original speaker can say “enough to break the ice!” however, he did not count on Animal Facts Georg saying “i think about 990lbs?” which destroyed any hope for a normal and productive conversation
Someone wanna provide context for the non-SDV people?
Saw this in the notes and figured I'd step in!
So, for non-SDV players, in most farming sims you can get married to certain characters and have children with them, however this is typically a permanent choice that can't be undone, so if you want to marry someone else or not have kids you would have to start over with a fresh save.
But SDV is different. The game has a witch's hut you can eventually unlock that lets you use...black magic, basically, to soft-reset marriage/children choices without starting over. There's a divorce option so you can ditch your spouse, but that's the only normal one. It also adds an option to turn your children into doves to get rid of them, hence OP saying they "birded" their kids. You're not...technically killing them...but only barely.
(It also adds an option to mind-wipe your previous spouse so they don't remember being married to you and thus don't hate you, and you can even remarry them then if you want, but I don't think that was needed for this, just figured it was sinister enough to warrant a mention.)
All that to say, the reddit OP married a character, progressed to the point that they had a child with them, and then used black magic to "kill" the child and divorce their spouse before moving on to the next marriage candidate and doing the same, over and over until they had gone through all twelve marriage candidates, resulting in a collection of twelve "dead" children.
Which, I must agree, is some uniquely unhinged behavior indeed.
Which, I must agree,
is some uniquely unhinged
behavior indeed.
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
Okay, but who is joja
Joja is essentially Walmart. You can either try to revitalize the town by going the community route and help local businesses and people thrive or you can sell the town to Jojacorp who will put the locals out of business and sell you way cheaper and shittier stuff
“I may use black magic to be a serial child murderer, but at least I’m not a capitalist”